Loneliness

I’d gone off psychiatric medicines for a year before pandemic started. Last year, I began to take them again. Anxiety and anger were the main reasons why I had to be on medicines again.

Many people are facing loneliness during lockdown, I completely validate their feelings. Luckily for me, staying at home has helped to reduce the gnawing feeling of loneliness that I used to feel. It’s quite a misconception that the one and only cause of loneliness is not being able to be around people. Crowds, parties, gatherings, physical human interactions have always bothered me immensely as I feel extremely misunderstood, and am often seen as an object of ridicule. I cannot connect to more than 99% of people. That makes me lonely.

Currently, I don’t have to meet people who will laugh at me for the haircut Mashi has given me. I don’t visit salons anymore. I haven’t upgraded my wardrobe since pandemic. I hate shopping, and having to buy clothes as people may not want to take me seriously in my profession as I don’t wear the clothes they approve of. I dislike having to confirm to many social rules.

I find the company of animals and nature extremely comforting. I can connect with them more than ever now, as I don’t have to bother about human interaction. I have a few friends I constantly interact with.

I do feel mildly depressed that I cannot visit the village on the hillock anymore. It’s so near, yet so far away. I’m all for social distancing. Self-righteous people tell me, “You ungrateful wretch. It’s a sin to feel depressed over such a trifle. Do you know people are in a far worse situation? I’m sure you’re doing nothing to help them. Be grateful for want you have. Stop complaining about life. Learn from me.”

They don’t realize that I am very appreciative for the little blessings each day brings to me. Yes, I’ve been there for people in need. This village may mean a lot more to me than it may be for them. I love every grain of soil on it. Most people living in my neighbourhood haven’t even heard or seen of this village. Or even if they have, they don’t care. So, I don’t expect them to understand me.

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/cartoon-drawing-manga-comic-5190766/: Picture Courtesy: Image by 愚木混株 Cdd20 from Pixabay 

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